WrestleSlam

Matt Hardy today announced his retirement as a "full-time professional wrestler."  The video he posted online is so full of shit, I think I saw little bits of crap oozing out of sides of my computer screen.  Everything about it was just so stupid it's almost mind-numbing.

First of all, he announced his retirement as a "full-time professional wrestler."  What luck, Matt Hardy!  You're retirement coincides perfectly with you being fired from TNA.  We're not dumb fans, obviously he is retiring because he has no choice.  WWE fired him, TNA fired him, and any wrestling promoter would be out of their mind if they got within a mile of him.  The fact that he tried to pass it off as his own choice is just beyond stupid.

He did address his suicide-note-esque YouTube video.  He said he never meant it as a suicide hoax, and basically tryed to to act shocked that anyone would percive it as such.  The guy titled a video "Goodbye"  and the all-text video said things like "Goodbye world", "My time here is almost complete", and ends with "September 23, 1974 - August 31, 2011."  Then he goes on to say that the first draft of the note stated that it made clear that his time was complete "as a full-time professional wrestler."  Bottomline, he milked the crap of the term "full-time professional wrestler."  It was clearly a half-assed cover up.

He also said that he wants to spend his time helping people who are feeling suicidal.  Matt Hardy is not a doctor, he is borderline insane and should never attempt to help anyone.  When he said that he is going to help people, I immediately thought of that scene from the movie The Other Guys when Will Ferrell is trying to talk a jumper off the ledge of a buidling, but the guy jumps after Ferrell does a terrible job and just reminds him of everything that sucks in life.  That is what would happen if Matt Hardy became a faux-therapist.  Just don't try to help people, you are not qualified.  Your trial for driving under the influence hasn't even been settled yet.  He needs to at least help himself first.

What Matt Hardy should do is face his trial and then, if he is able to, go to rehab, which WWE pays for being that he is alumni.  I realize this was an extremely harsh blog, and if anyone, or even Matt Hardy, is reading this, he can send me an e-mail: joe@wrestleslam.com to give me their thoughts.